A Rainy Day

This is my first blog entry and it might sound very depressing. I think it has been a rather depressing day for me that I can't really say anything that wouldn't eventually come out as depressing. So please bear with me and leave comments if you wish. My day first started with a brutal mid-term. I'm currently in first year Uni and even if people tell me how easy it is to get good marks in my major (English) but TRUST ME, it's not!!! >.<>.<>.< I'd be happy to even stay alive after this test, let alone the final!!!!!!!!

The only bright moment came when my friend visited me at my school from a different Uni. I'm so grateful to him that he actually took the time to take the bus over! ^^ It was like the only thing that I'd been looking forward to (since he told me about MAYBE coming all week!) So I was really hyper for the most part of his visit. But he only comes to visit for two hours a week which means that time flies and good times don't last. Eventually he had to go back to his school and I had to go home! >.< But what was even more special was the fact that he went out of his way to buy me b-day presents!!! (huggles Lelouch, Ulquorria plushes and gapes at Code Geass poster with joy) It's my b-day in three weeks or so, beginning of November but he wanted to cheer me up early. :) Thanks to him, I WAS cheered up for a bit.

But not that long afterwards, my cheery mood disappeared. I realize now that there are many things and many people out there that aren't as nice as what they see. The idea is that what we see and what is considered 'reality' are two different things! People always tell me that I'm too nice of a person and I always wave them off because how can I be! >.< Someone can't be TOO nice, right???? Well, today I found out that I had always been being too nice, no matter who said what good or bad, I'd shrug it off. No matter what bad thing seemed to happen to me, I would never blame someone else and blame it all on myself when I know perfectly well that I'm not the person to blame! And I know that, but it's difficult to always correct someone's behavior or personality especially if that person has always been that way!!!! So, I was backstabbed or betrayed or whatever you call it by a good friend, someone that I considered my closest friends (not the person that came to visit btw)

And then there's the love of my life...people, my friends, tell me that I don't know what love REALLY means. But I have some news for them, I do! Even though I can't explain it in words when asked, that doesn't mean I don't know that feeling. I've been there and I've done it. So, this love of my life told me today that he doesn't love me. Or rather, he would NEVER love me. I tried my hardest not to cry in front of him. I'm the kind of person that is very emotional and so then I cry very easily. Surprisingly, I fought back my tears and waited until I was all alone before tears could flow freely. A person who I had loved for a long time, someone whom I could never bring myself to tell him I loved him...I remember being able to say finally to him a couple of months ago that I loved him. At that time, he shrugged it off and thought I was crazy. And then three days later, he said he wanted to go out on a date with me to see if the 'feel' was right. So we went on a date and after that I became his gf. He started telling his friends...but then I found out that he HAD another gf, his 'real' gf. So he treated me like a toy that can be disposed of whenever he wanted to!

*sighs* Why does life always have to be this way? Why does every person I EVER fall in love with have to be this way? Is it me or is it fate?

Enough blabbing about pointless things for one day! Sorry to all for making you read such a long thing! Forgive me.

Good night and sweet dreams to all :)
Shizuka