What is Love?

In the past two entries, I've been talking about the person that I love. As I sit here and think, I'm starting to ask myself a very basic question. What is love? I remember asking a couple of my friends at Uni what they thought love was. And their responses pretty much were identical. They tell me that I don't know what love really means and that what I feel for this person was a mere attraction. But is it really? I don't know anymore...or rather, I've never really known to begin with. I start to think that I only say that I love him because I need the idea or the feel of being loved...but then I doubt myself once more. I tell myself that no, that's not quite true. Indeed, it's not quite true because the way I feel for him was different from the way I feel for anybody else that I associate with.

But then again...why should I keep loving him if I knew that he had once wronged me?

Indeed, he had wronged me more than once, in many different ways. He believed that I wouldn't know or wouldn't care. But it didn't matter...I knew AND I cared. The idea was that he would continue to keep the truth away from me but then again I had given him all that I could possibly give him. I never asked him for anything in return! Even when he told the world (or so it seemed) that I was his gf, even then, I had not requested it. I believed that if there was ever a need for such a thing, that he would do it on his own and that love was between two people, not the whole world. I do appreciate this gesture though, regardless of whether I had asked for it or not. I still felt warm inside (of course at that moment I had not known of the fact that he had another true gf >.<) and I thanked him for doing that, even though the gratitude was something that I wouldn't normally express...

He had taken everything away from me...everything that I had given him, he took away and it is as though those things would never come back. When he left me for that girl, he took them away and now he's coming back to return them. But how do I know that what he's returning now, he will not take away in the future? The prospect scares me...and I am once more in a dilemma. The world is a scary place, with all kinds of different people. My dad once told me that I believed in people too easily, that I trusted in their every word and that this kind of personality would one day lead me to dire consequences. Now I know that was he said was true...I don't want to think about him anymore, about his cunning smile, his kind words...but if I don't think of these good things, I'll eventually obssess about the bad things he had once done to me, some of which I can not bring myself to disclose here and now...

What should I do? Continue with him and have the lingering possibility of dire consequences happening again and again or stop being with him and feel the pain of his departure now?

Shizuka